if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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