420 ftw
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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