I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
