There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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