my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
