The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
