u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
