I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
