Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
