I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
