He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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