That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
