I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize