It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
