Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
