your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
