It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
