Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i'm inner monologue high
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
