...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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