I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
