I'm jealous of your bromance
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
