I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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