I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
