1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I smell stomach acid.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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