Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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