called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
