Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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