I wish I could punch you in the face.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
