All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize