he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
