Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
