chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
