In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
