I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
