I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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