I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
