by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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