I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
