Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it hurts more in the daytime
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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