saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
