How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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