I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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