When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
