She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize