Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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