Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
