um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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