dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
