God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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