It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
