She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
