Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
