Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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