Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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