1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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