You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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