While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
