Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
