I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
