everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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