Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize