No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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