Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
