I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
