did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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