Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We need to get me chipped asap
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
