I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
