I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
