I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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