I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Congratulations! We have a period
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