nut hugger
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
