I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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