and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I party with great urgency now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
