Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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