Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
