it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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