Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
