I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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